A Street in the North East

Two contrasting pairs of shoes with backpacks that shared similar scents belonging to two different individuals cluttered the corner by the front door of the quaint apartment that harbored a multitude of noise that glided out of the ajar window above the couch and filtered through the thin sheet rock walls. Harmoniously, the sound of the television mouthing the humor of an evocative comedy joined hands with the psychedelic electric guitar and drums blaring from a separate speaker and initiated a dance in the air of the room following the trail of the smoke that flowed out of the joint that admitted the duo, with their fingerprints scattered all over it, to a higher access of processing. The white walls became branded with varying colors as the strobe lights resting atop the playstation that gained momentum through the bass of the music painted each corner and face in the living room. Intertwined limbs grinded slowly against one another as if they attempted to utilize the collision of their forms to roll and spark another L. Breathing unevenly, Leanna could never make her incessant gasps for air as steady as her pace as she emulated the rhythm of the beat while trying to remind herself of how to ride. Meeting the other set of shoes’ thrusts, her mind forgot about the text messages she noticed on his phone. She wanted not to remember the moment she broke her own heart while intruding upon his privacy.

“I’m sorry I am an asshole,” read one message holding the apology she has never received for all of the mistreatment she withstood.

The next farther down reading, “Can I see you?”

She herself heard the, “Beautiful name for a beautiful woman,” phrase in-person. Leanna would have never noticed his broken record tendencies if she did not let her finger scroll all the way to the top. Growing tired of witnessing the love story she once wished she had with him, she went back down to their recent messages.

“Why did you hurt me?” He repeatedly typed multiple times to the distinguishable long-term relationship he got out of only moments before meeting Leanna. Curiosity picked her mind as she wondered how his ex hurt him, but she could only assume that it resembled how he hurt her and that he projected his past woes onto their relationship. 

She knew that they never established anything exclusive yet continuing her search and funding his eighty-five Tinder matches made her want to gather eighty-five matches in one singular hand resembling the grip she had on his appendage prior to it entering her and setting both of their bodies on fire so their limbs felt the same pain as her heart for each time he gaslit her. It confused her why he asked her to talk to no one else, engage in intimacy with no one else, while he proceeded to do everything under the sun with everyone else. At first glance, Leanna believed she experienced jealousy over a male for the first time in her life, yet, she simply found herself victim of her own fear of inadequacy as she could never just be an option. She asked not to transform into someone’s first priority as she knew that title belongs not to people like her but she at least wanted to be an option, to compete in the competition not to just act as a backup plan or a constellation prize to those who lucked out in their own lives. 

Reaching up, Leanna goes to wipe her face of tears until a bigger hand envelopes around her own preventing her from doing so.

“Leave them.” Moaned the man under her into her ear as he believed they were tears of pleasure. Sighing, Leanna placed her hand back down, flesh against his chest. She supposed that the sex exists in the boundary of one of the only places she can cry in front of someone else without feeling embarrassed.

As the man beneath her pulled out, Leanna felt a part of her escape her body as well yet she did not want the energy back. Rolling over into his arms, Leanna allowed the breeze pouring in through the window to teach her a lesson. She was but a supporting character in this man’s story because she never allowed herself to freely act as herself without fearing others’ opinions, yet no one else’s opinion matters when you find yourself alone with your thoughts again, feeling lonely with company.

Removing her back from the mattress moments later, Leanna reached for her garments of clothes to conceal her body from his eyes. Inching her jeans up her legs, Leanna noticed she put blind faith in her joints to hold her up as her bones whistled like a freight train. Nevertheless, she hastily gathered her belongings to go as she wanted to leave as soon as she came and hated herself for coming back again.

Written: December 22, 2021